Emotional Morning

My daughter posted two articles to her blog describing a past family event (posts one and two). As always, I am happy that she can express her thoughts and emotions. I think doing so is a healthy way to come to grips with painful events and the emotions surrounding them. Thank you, Allison, for your willingness to share.

It is also therapeutic for me. Following the loss of our son, I was too numb to realize and then be of any comfort to either my daughter or my other son. I had too much of my own grief and my wife's grief to contend with to reach much further. With that grief so heavy on my mind, and my children living away from home, their response to the loss unfortunately didn't get much of my brain time. Only if they brought up issues did I get far enough out of my own mending to try to reach out and try to help them. Painful to recall and state.

I have found from this experience that we all respond to loss in different ways. I will forever grieve at David's death on so many levels yet my inner turmoil and outward response to his passing seemed to quickly reach what my counselor said was the goal - that grieving should become less intense, shorter in duration, and less frequent with the passage of time. Allison's blog entries indicate that this is occurring for her. But they also reflect back on some of the challenges she faced to reach this point - challenges that for one reason or another I didn't have to face. It is clear to me that she had the tougher road to follow. Not being tested the way she was, I can only hope that I would have had the same ability to move through life.

Great loss, whether physical or emotional, leaves scars - or stumps. All of our life events shape us and we are never the same afterwards. Large events leave us greatly changed. Our best hope is that we can make the most of the new person that has emerged and mold that person in a way that allows us to move forward in a positive way.